It’s Been Awhile.

Its been awhile since you’ve heard from me, so I thought I’d share with you where I’ve been…

Last spring my world turned upside down.  Life with my husband which consisted of basking in the glow of grandkids, a bit of travel and a church family was blown up.  Every aspect of my life catapulted into the air with no parachute, and the fallout was devastating.  Terrifying.  Heartbreaking.  Forever life changing.

I want you to picture someone being pushed off a cliff.  Now picture my daughter, granddaughter and two grandsons.  They plummet down ward and for the life of me I could not save them.  My arms grappled in the air for them; I stretched my arms as far as I could reach, but all I could do was watch them fall.  I implored, begged and desperately called out to God.

Watching your daughter suffer, severely suffer – mentally, emotionally and spiritually – from an abusive marriage, suffer again by people rejecting her crys for help, being absolutely powerless to help her heal from PTSD and watching her grapple to gain her life back, is the deepest anguish my soul has ever known.  Words fail and tears stream down my face as I witness the tragic, heart breaking fallout on the lives of my precious grand children.

So I do what I can do; which is continually remind my daughter of truth while waiting for the lies of the enemy, so many lies, to be redeemed.  I give praise to God for the healing only He has and continues to accomplish in her.  It is a honor to walk along side her, she has shown more courage than you’ll ever know.  It is hard, painful work which she daily chooses to do for she knows in order to move forward she must face her pain.  I see her step closer and closer toward the healing of her soul.

It is only by the grace of God I have been able to withstand any of this.

The quiet sanctuary my husband and I call home is now abuzz with young voices loud and soft. The fourth bedroom/junk room transformed to ‘girly’ so my sweet granddaughter could have a space of her own.  Leggos and Eggos.  Disney channel for Papa instead of Fox News.  Remote control cars running into walls.  Bunk beds holding two rambunctious boys.  Chocolate milk.  Dance offs with 1970’s moves.  Laundry.  Laundry.  Laundry.

It is privilege to love on and pour into the life of each precious grand child.  I remain on my knees for them; three confused, vulnerable children asking hard, honest questions and I pray for the wisdom to deliver honest, difficult answers.  We pray to create a stable new normal.

In the midst of it all, God’s grace has given me moments of joy, laughter, and utter craziness with these children.  My daughter and I are quite a team, but I struggle with new way to do 5th grade math, melt at the 7 year old’s prayer requests, and marvel at how much a 5 year old can chatter about anything.  I love reminding each child that God sees them, has plans for them that are good and that life’s circumstance do not equal His love for them.  What higher purpose for me could there be?

Today my daughter, her daughter and two sons, are no longer in free fall; the parachute arrived and has opened.  What had seemed to have been meant for evil is being used for good.  Some large issues remain, keeping all of them up in the air…only He who controls the wind knows when and how they come down.  I am trusting the Just Judge to secure their landing.